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It's Dyok Time!!!!

JhayBoo

JhayBoo

Super Veteran
15 minutes late policy:

wla pa c mam!

ung bag lng nya ang nsa table,

aftr 15 minutes umalis na ang mga s2dents.

d nxt day ngalit c mam.

sbi,

"f my bag is here! it mins im present!"

knabukasan,
ngalit n nman c mam, guess wat?

puro bag ang nsa upuan ng mga students..
------------------------------------------------------

UP UP UP
 
BHER

BHER

Super Veteran
pare1 and pare2 talking in a fone

pare1 : pare anong araw ngayon ?

pare2: monday, baket ??

pare1: ahh ganon, cge ganyanan ahh !!!

pare2: joke lang, happy monthsary pare.
 
raven

raven

Super Veteran
Smack that! OLONGAPO!!
Smack that, 'til you get sore
Smack that, oh ooh

bwahahaha.... (pinilit ba??? )
 
JhayBoo

JhayBoo

Super Veteran
Objective: to be able to identify slowness.

Pampalipas Oras ... Passing the time
Mga sagot sa interview sa call center ... Funny answers to call center applicant interviews!

1. I am a flexible and I am perseverance person (when asked to describe her personality)

2. I want to learn more English words. (when asked why he wanted to work in a call center). [Damn! Read the dictionary!]

3. Do you have any extra ordinary positions that I can take for granted (Roughly Translated: Meron po ba kayong ibang position na pwede ko’ng apply-an?)

4. “Ten” (When asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her articulation)

5. “Kelan Po?” (When asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her articulation)

6. “I would choose IRATE CALLERS, Sir.” (Answer to the question: If you will change the COLOR of the world, what would it be and why?)

7.“I want to entertain and satisfy customers” (hmmm interesting concept so what are you wearing right now?)

8. “I want to expose myself to the customers.” (Answer to why he wants to work in a call center”) Flasher ITO!

9. “Is there an opening for a call center?” (Oh so you want to become a call center now huh?)

10.“Hi. Good afternoon, my name is _____, and I’M a call center from the Philippines.” (solohin ba)

11.Chocolates, boys with tongue pierce.” (An applicants answer to the question: What are your weaknesses?”

12.“I think Grade 3 and 4 students are very childish!” (Answer to the question: What do you think is the most difficult part of teaching Grade 3 and 4 students)

13.“Haller???!!! ??? (knocks on the table) THE SALARY!” (Answer to Why do you want to work in a call center?)

14.“I’m a married person, I have 2 children, the same boy”

15.“It’s a colorful world.” (Describe the shirt you’re wearing.)

16.“It’s a boomed industry.” (So all agents are now dead, I guess)

17.“I like to explore other people” (ay sus maniac ka ano?)

18.“I want to explore myself more.” (Answer to why do you want to work in a call center. bagay sila ni #17…)

19.“Hu u? How did you get my #? Text me back, huri. Send me load.” (The audacity of an applicant can sometimes appall you.)

20.“I was scheduled for an exam this morning. I wasn’t able to make it because I WAS TONSILITIS.”

21.“Hi Maam, do you have an opening.” (Lokong to ah!)

22.“I want to adventure into the graveyard” (Langya, mahiilig ka sa patay!)

23.“I would like to be a part of the graveyard” (isa ka pa…thriller thriller night)

24.“Gd pm sir, im realy sri wen u call me I cnt hear clearly coz d raindrops of d rain is vry noisy. Rgrdng of wat u want 2 knw y u call me?” (A text message from an applicant)

25.“Do you accept walking applicants?” (No, we prefer flying ones)

26.Interviewer: So you’re an undergrad. What year are you in right now? Applicant: Oh I’m just here in the house. Interviewer: No, I asked you what year you’re in. Applicant: Year? I’m 25 years old! ( Nagkakaintindihan tayo pare….)

27.Applicant: Agency ba to? Interviewer: No sir, head hunting firm. Applicant (turning to friend): Egg-hunting daw pare! (Happy Easter!)

28.“In the middle of my study at Adamson, my father fortunately passed away.” (FORTUNATELY? ??!!!)

29.“Hello, i just want to inquire about the application resume that i planted in the computer…” (Ano ka, farmer?)

30.“May inaantay ako na trabaho kaya gusto ko lang na may mapag LILIBINGAN.” (Answer to the question “Why do you prefer a part-time job?” Tagalog na yun ha! Mahilig talaga kayo sa patay!)
 
JhayBoo

JhayBoo

Super Veteran
The Top Ten Memorable Pinoy Quotes
  1. Blitzkrieg – In a gay beauty pageant, the host asked a contestant: “What is the one thing that symbolizes HAPPINESS for you?” The gay contestant paused, thought for a while and smiled: “EGGPLANT po!”
  2. GRACiA – In a comedy bar, the gay comedian talked about inspecting the people entering the club: “Para sa mga babae, dapat labingwalong gulang pataas. Sa mga lalaki naman, anim na pulgada pahaba.”
  3. Manong Driver – In a TV news bit, a policeman caught a hold-upper and goes: “This man is a…this man is…manloloko po ito, manloloko!”
  4. Jayswong – Inday Badiday to a lost child on her show: “Kilala mo ba kung sino ako?” KId: “Opo.” Inday Badiday: “Sige nga, sino ako?” Kid: “Bakla po.”
  5. Keyfaust – Alma Moreno was asked: “What can you say about violence in Philippine movies today?” She supposedly answered: “Naku, gitara nga hindi ako marunong, violence pa!”
  6. Akosimael – Ruffa G to Kris A, who mentioned that her mom raised them not to talk back to their parents: “Kris naman, i-compare mo ba naman ang mom mo sa mom ko.”
  7. Julian – A starlet was asked: “Ano ang edge mo sa ibang artista?” She answered: “Edge ko po? 24 years old po.”
  8. No name – Reporter: “Balita ko wall-to-wall carpeting sa bahay mo.” Alma Moreno: “Hindi naman, sa sahig lang…”
  9. Albert – DOH’s Dr. Eric Tayag, when asked if Swine Flu can be had from eating pork: “Hindi bumabahing ang karne.”
  10. Cheezee – A starlet was asked how she liked the movie and she answered: “TEN thumbs up!”
  11. Doraemon – Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s reactions to the Americans on VFA: “The problem with the Americans, is that they are overpaid, oversexed and over here.”
  12. Camila Rosa – Miriam Defensor-Santiago on her opponents: “Many, if n0t all, of my presidential opponents, are certifiable idiots.”
  13. TwistdSaint – Celia Rodriguez during an awards night: “And the winner goes to…”
  14. Doraemon – Quote from Imelda Marcos: “People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?”
  15. Febkinse - Pacquiao: “Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.” Jinky: “Sweets? Nasaan? Ang lambing mo naman, may pasalubong ka pa sa akin!” Pacquiao: “Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim kaya!”
  16. Febkinse - Erap: “Miss, pabili nga ng ballpen.” Saleslady: “Sori sir wala p0 kaming ballpen.” Erap: “Ano ba yan, PENSHOPPE walang ballpen!”
  17. Febkinse - GMA: “Sorry late ako. Grabe ang brownout sa Makati, 1hr kami sa elevator.” ERAP: “Mas grabe ang brown out sa San Juan, 2hrs kami ni Jinggoy sa escalator!”
  18. Mr. Perk/No name – Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend, na buhay pa!”
  19. Rhea – During an interview, Kris Aquino asked Anne Curtis: “Maarte ka ba?” Anne replied: “Oo,parang ikaw!”
  20. Pumba – Angelica Jones when asked about Onemig Bondoc: “Ang masasabi ko lang, wala siyang BREATHING!”
  21. Jorik – Host asked beauty contestant: “If you win, what problem of our country will you address first?” She answered: “I will promote drug abuse.”
  22. Jorik – Host: “What is the role of the runner-up?” Beauty Contestant: “The role of the first runner up is…is…can I have an interpreter?”
  23. Parry Hotter – Someone asked Imelda Marcos: “Madam, how rich are you?” Imelda: “Darling, if you can count it, you’re not rich.”
  24. No name – Vilma Santos interviewed after her wedding: Interviewer: “How do you feel?” Vilma: “I’m just glad the marriage is over!”
  25. Pookie! – Host: “What’s your best feature?” Beauty Contestant: “My graduation feature.”
  26. TReiz – Seen on twitter, “Don’t f*ck with me, I’m half Filipino, and I’ll Manny Pacquiao you, bitch!”
  27. Blitzkrieg – Melanie Marquez’ acceptance speech for winning Best Actress: “Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya kong Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon sa inyong lahat!”
  28. Akosimael – Starlet during a peace rally: “Stop war, not peace!”
  29. The Trifler – Vicky Belo when asked about her diet: “You should eat yung mga sosyal na fish.”
  30. Glenskie – From a co-writer sa Collegian: “Gaga, hindi ako bakla!”
  31. Gorgeous Bitch -Manny Pacquiao on the Hatton fight: “Nothing personalan.”
  32. Hellgirl - Randy David on his arrest during PP1017: “Isang paraan para di mahuli sa rally, inglisin mo yung pulis.”
  33. Boknoi – Dolphy on running for office: “Madaling tumakbo, eh paano pag nanalo?”
  34. RC & Cess – On Philippine politics: “Pagkatapos ng eleksyon, dalawang klase lang ang politiko – NANALO at DINAYA.”
 
BHER

BHER

Super Veteran
ANIM na katotohanan sa mundo :

1. mata mo lang ang di mo kayang sabunan.

2. di mo kayang bilangin buhok mo.

3. bakit mahirap huminga habang nakalabas ang dila.

4. sinubukan ng mga uto uto ang no.3

5. naisip mong nagmukha ka lang aso nung sinubukan mo.

6. iiling ka na lang kasi nauto ka.
 
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