It's Dyok Time!!!!

[Barurot]

GF: Baby, yun yung ex-BF ko... (itinuro)

BF: Ang PANGET naman!

GF: Eh ganun talaga eh. Yun talaga ang weakness ko eversince.

BF: Pakyu! Umayos kang hayop ka!

 

[vanity01]

Teacher: juan wag mo kalimutan yung assignment mo
Juanpo mam
UMUWI NA SI JUAN SA BAHAY....TINANUNG NYA ANG NANAY NYA
Juan: nay anu po yung sagot sa assignment ko?
Nanay: wla akong pakialam
NAGTANONG SYA SA TATAY NYA
Juan: lam nyo po ba sagot dito?
Tatay:doon sa kobeta doon sa kobeta
NAGTANONG SYA SA ATE NYA
Juan: nu sagot dito?
Ate: mahal na mahal kita
NAGTANONG SYA SA KUYA NYA
Juan: anu sagot dito
Kua: papayin kita !
PUMASOK NA SI JUAN
Teacher: juan anung sagot sa assignment mo?
Juan: wala akong pakialam
Teacher: san mo natutunan yan?
Juan: doon sa kobeta doon sa kobeta
Teacher: pano mo nagawa sakin to?
Juan: mahal n mahal kita
Teacher: dadalhin kita sa guidance office !
Juan: papatayin kita !

 

[Mono]

A woman takes her lover to her house during the day, while her husband is at work and unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet to skip school. Unexpectedly her husband returns home, so she asks the man to hide in the same closet. The boy now has company!

Boy: "dark in here"
Man: "yes it is"
Boy: "i have a baseball"
Man: "that's nice"
Boy: "wana buy it?"
Man: "no, thanks"
Boy : "my dad is outside"
Man: "ok how much"
Boy: "250"

In the next few weeks it happens again and they meet in the same closet.

Boy: "dark in here"
Man: "yes it is"
Boy: "i have a baseball glove"
Man: "how much"
Boy: "750"
Man: "fine"

Few days later the father says to the boy, "grab your gloves and ball and let's go to the park." The boy says, "I sold them".

Father: "how much?"
Boy: "1000"
Father: "it's terrible to over charge your friends. We are going to church and u have to confess!"

So they go to the church and father alerts the priest, makes the boy sit in the confession room and closes the door.

Boy: "Dark in here"
Priest: "Don't you f'ckin start that sh1t again!"

 

[kilbz]

TITSER: sino ang pinaka-tangang babae na isinilang sa sanlibutan?

GAY STUDENT: si eva, nakita na nga niyang hubad si adan,

APPLE pa ang isinubo!

 

[raven]

 

[Barurot]

anak: tay yung bf ni ate may dalang baril kanina.

tay: nakita mo anak???

anak: hindi po. narinig ko lang sabi ni ate "iputok mo sa labas wag sa loob"

 

[Mono]

May isang babaeng, naglalakad na maputi ang mukha pero maitim ang katawan…
TAMBAY: “Miss ano ka? CHOCO NA GATAS O GATAS NA CHOCO?!"

 

[jangbest]

Family Planning

Medical mission sa isang baryo, at napakaraming bata

Doctor : Misis Hindi po ba kayo gumagamit nang family planning CONDOM, IUD, o Widrawal?
Misis : Wala po dok TiTi lang Ho talaga Ginagamit namin!%#@()